An email exchange.

I broke my three week spree of no contact with Tom when he emailed me today. I have sunk to his immature level, and it takes a big mouthfull of pride to publish the following conversation. But in the interest of an uncensored blog, here you have it. How did I get back here? See for yourself:

Tom: i've been meaning to ask you... why did you send me that gemstone card? i don't have your earrings.

Lib: I thought you took them when you left. I don't have them. I ordered new ones. I sent it to you, like I said, in case you wanted to sell them or give them to your new girlfriend. My mistake. If you left them in my apartment, tell me where and I will get them to you.

Tom: how would i know where they are?

Lib: you had them last. you made me take them off and you put them in your pocket. forget it. doesn't matter.

Tom: are you going to subject me to your awful hatred for the rest of our lives?

Lib: I haven't contacted you. If you do the same, there will be no contact. And I think your email last friday, which was perhaps the most hateful thing anyone has ever sent, would make it more than "my" awful hatred. leave me alone. I will continue to leave you alone.

Tom: the most hateful thing anyone has ever sent? a little over the top, don't you think?so we're just going to throw away that HUGE part of our lives we spent together?

Lib: you tell me: [I copied his last hate-mail here]

anything nice about that email? any reason to send it at all, other than to hurt me? how do I respond to that? you obviously have zero respect for me if you can send that, so I choose to continue to not speak to you. No one I respect would send something intentionally hurtful, especially to someone they supposedly care about, and especially after not talking to someone for 2 weeks. so please. leave me alone. i will do the same. I have not initiated contact, i will not initiate contact. please just leave me alone.

Tom: i'm not going to deny that i'm angry with you. i'm not going to deny that i sent that email out of spite. but i will maintain that i care about you. there is no way, after all we've been through, that i would lose my ability to care about you and love you. regardless of what i may say or do out of hurt and anger. and i know that it's the same for you.leave you alone? leave me alone? you know that we will always be a part of each others' lives, somehow or some way.

Lib: don't give me any more bullshit about how you love me and care about me. if that were true, you wouldn't have said those things. We have both said things out of anger, yes. in the heat of the moment. that was unprovoked. And just really hateful and mean and childish and immature. you DID lose your ability to care about me; i don't know when but sometime before you sent that email.

please save your lies for the poor girl who is dating you now. I have no interest in anything you have to say.

You are not a part of my life anymore.

Tom: you can think whatever you want to think, but you can never claim to know how i feel. i will always love you and care for you. i have never lied about that. but you treated me in such an awful way for such a long time (and you continue to do so), i don't need provocation to say something to you out of anger. it lives within me. day after day.face it [Lib]... i will always be a part of your life, just as you will be a part of mine.

Lib: I AM NOT BEING AWFUL TO YOU! seriously- I haven't done ANYTHING to you in 3 weeks. And I didn't do anything to you when I came back. I came back in the spirit of working things out, and you tortured me for hours, only to let it drop last minute that you'd met someone. which is far worse than anything i had done. please- take some responsibility in this!!!

don't you have a girlfriend? wouldn't it piss her off to know you're talking to your ex?

why do you throw out threats? why can't we just let it pass???? seriously- what pleasure do you derive from making me angry!


Tom: you're right... in the last few weeks you have done nothing awful to me. by default. we haven't spoken.your jab about "saving my lies" for "that poor girl" is a pretty awful thing to say.you ruined my birthday. that was pretty awful.i don't have a girlfriend. just someone i've been talking to and with whom i've been on a couple of dates. she knows about our history and understands.and you hung up on me as soon as i mentioned another person, so you have no idea the context. you never let me explain it to you. you would think differently if you knew the whole story.i'm not throwing out threats. we will always be a part of each others' lives. that's just how it is. it's not a threat. it's reality.

Lib: I didn't ruin your birthday - you did.

Tom: we both had a part in it.can we communicate like regular people please?

Lib: no. leave me alone.

Tom: no

Lib: What are you trying to accomplish?I have nothing more to say. I have work to do and a call at 5:30. Leave me alone.

Tom: sorry for interfering with your work. we'll talk another time.

Lib: Why????? There is nothing to say.

Which is where we left it. More to follow, no doubt. Yes, I recognize I am an immature asshole for responding, and for responding as I did. I hate my life. Tom - 0, Lib - 0 (i think I definitely lose a point, but he doesn't gain one)