It’s a long way off (I don’t intend to have a boyfriend for many, many moons), but I thought I would start thinking about some non-starters for the next time I start thinking about getting in a love way. In addition to the usual suspects (sense of humor, superior taste in music, cooking skills, back-rubbing skills, sexy skills, utter devotion), I’ve come up with a top ten list of must-haves.
1. A job. Now maybe I’m setting the bar too high here… we are in a recession, after all. We could recast this as "gainful employment within the last 6 months and the prospect of same in the foreseeable future. Tom was underemployed when we started dating, and in the last year of our relationship, quit to go to (very very expensive) culinary school. I’m all for people pursuing their dreams. But I’d rather not support a man financially again.
2. An apartment of his own. I am not living with a man again until I’m married. Non-negotiable.
3. A college degree. Now this one is a little tricky. It’s not that I think a college degree means all that much. BUT- having been with someone who doesn't have one, I know the lack therof presents several problems. For one, men are competitive, and feeling "less-than" has far reaching consequences that touch on every aspect of a relationship. I have an advanced degree (read: a combined total of 19 years of education, taking into account that I did college in 3). I’d like to have some parity there. And two, people without college degrees tend to have not gone to college. I know that is shocking. But some of the major issues with Tom stemmed from the fact that he’d not been properly, um, socialized. He didn’t have college buddies. He didn’t know how to party. He didn’t know how to drink. And he certainly didn’t know how to hang. Which brings us to #4.
4. Friends. Boys, specifically. A group of guys he’d do anything for, and who would do anything for him. Without them, a guys just seems pathetic incomplete. Ideally these boys will have awesome girlfriends that I can befriend (or at least that occupy some of their time), but even I know that is pushing it.
5. A reading habit. Ideally, he reads novels. But 99.4% of men don’t. Something about not wanting to read something unless they can learn from it. For whatever reason most men have this misguided notion that you can only learn from non-fiction. As long as "books" are on his list of things he can’t live without, we’ll be good.
6. Kindness. I am not a bad-guy girl. I actually do like nice guys. The really nice ones. The kind who get described by all their friends as "the nicest guy." My dad is this kind of guy; my brother is too. BF v.4 will be generous, kind and caring, willing to go out of his way to help people, and generally all around loved. BF v.4 would never intentionally hurt anyone.
7. Honor. This goes hand-in-hand with #6. He doesn’t lie, or cheat. Trying to take advantage is an anathema to him. He wouldn’t even cut in line.
8. Good Family. His parents don’t have to still be together (43 bonus points if they are), but he has to love his family and they have to be buena gente.
9. Chill-ability. He has to be able to roll with it. Not much gets me worked up. Flight’s delayed? No big deal. We’re lost? Sounds like fun. Lib has to work until 2 a.m. for the fifth night in a row? Poor Lib, but that’s ok. Part of this translates to frequent smiling, low levels of stress and general enjoyability to be around. Yup, he’s gotta have that.
10. 6-feet. I’m flexible on this one. If he’s got 1-9 down, we can fudge a little. But I am a big girl (5’8"), and all girls like to feel small every once in a while. Plus, it's the first question my mother asks about every guy I have ever me – "Is he tall?" I hope so, mom. Wherever he is, I certainly hope so.
No comments:
Post a Comment