A Dilemma

So I mentioned that my colleagues (and friends) Patrick and Nicole are dating.

A little backstory? I met Patrick when he started at my firm, because, despite being the same year, we were staffed on a deal together. And then another one. Each of which involved late nights, frustrating clients/partners, and general bonding-over-misery. We became close. He and his girlfriend and Tom and I would go out together occasionally. And when Patrick and his girlfriend became Patrick and his wife, Tom and I were there to toast the marriage. Over the years I have known Patrick and May (the wife), May and I became friends as well. She’s older and wiser and I loved hanging out with her.

Well, when I went away to South America for a few months, Patrick (married all of 6 months at that point) had begun a only-when-drunk flirtation with Nicole, my other friend/colleague. I thought it was generally harmless and would not progress. I was wrong.

By the time I got back, Patrick and Nicole were sleeping together, and Patrick had moved out of his apartment. A few weeks later, he told May he wanted a divorce. I won’t go into how stupid (VERY VERY VERY) I think all of this is.

Upon my return from South America, I sent May a short email to the effect of "heard you’re going through rough times, sorry to hear it, thinking of you." Mostly because I like May and felt bad for her, but also because she’s been really supportive of me through my Tom break-up, and I thought I owed it to her to pay it forward (or back, I guess). She took that ball and ran with it, and one night she was in my neighborhood and we got a drink. AWKWARD. I obvs couldn’t tell her about Patrick and Nicole, so I had to just sort of nod and make sympathetic mumblings when she said she was sure he wasn’t seeing someone else.

I told Patrick and Nicole about my run in, and in the face of Nicole’s extreme anger (of the "how could you take her side over mine" variety… um, really?), I said I wouldn’t see May again. And I really meant it. I can’t be May’s friend because that would mean lying to her, and friends don’t do that.

So now I have blown May off a few times, and although I feel bad about it, I know it would be worse to see her. But I need to come clean in some fashion so she doesn’t keep asking, and I keep saying no, I have to work or I have plans or whatever lame excuse I can come up with. I suppose I could just tell her its awkward to be her friend and Patrick’s friend, and since I work with Patrick, I have to go that way… but why would it be awkward? Argh. Wish I knew nothing.

Seeking suggestions.

Photo Credit: Flickr - The Rocketeer